Esther 1:22
“So he sent letters to all the king’s provinces, to each province according to its script and to every people according to their language, that every man was to be the ruler in his own house and the one who speaks in the language of his own people.”
A crisis was averted. The king’s drunken foolishness put his wife in an embarrassing position. She properly held to a boundary. Unfortunately, this was public. No one spoke contrary to the king and lived. The king loved the queen and didn’t want to have her killed. But he feared that wives all throughout the kingdom would be emboldened to defy their husbands. The better lesson would have been if a wife is embarrassed or abused, that problem should be addressed.
The bible is clear that the husband and father is to be respected. Some people rush to abusive situations as a reason to buck this principle. Sure there are exceptions, which should be addressed. God doesn’t nullify this command.
Ephesians 5 is an important chapter on marriage. The conclusion of the chapter in verse 33, “Nevertheless, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” This makes many nervous. We still have to obey God. It’s much easier if one is a christian. We are used to obeying and trusting that God knows best.
Even if a new couple is christian it’s still is a learning experience. It takes time. That being said I don’t think I ever told my wife what to do. I had to grow in love and she in respect. Our difficulties were house chores. If she was busy with one she got upset if I wasn’t busy at that time. We talked it out. I mentioned that I would get to my chores. When I did she might be relaxing. That’s ok. We did our responsibilities in our own time.
If one of the partners in the marriage isn’t a believer it will be more difficult, but it can work. I Corinthians 7:22-24 says, “But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has an unbelieving wife, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if any woman has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not divorce her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.”
It speaks of the unbelieving spouse is sanctified through the believer. Here’s how I see this. The believer sets a tone in the house. They are trusting and following God. If the unbeliever agrees to stay they are agreeing with God’s kingdom rule, at least in the house. Eventually the unbeliever may come to Christ. It’s not 100%, but it’s much higher than if the person had left.
On the human level we see many crises. The blood pressure of the world goes up and down. If we are in Christ He works on us to remain at rest. We love our wives and our wives respect their husbands.