I Samuel 14:41
‘Therefore, Saul said to the LORD, the God of Israel, “Give a perfect lot.” And Jonathan and Saul were taken, but the people escaped.’
Saul is gambling on his son’s life. He has no idea, though. In fact, it’s very clear that he is completely confident that neither he, nor Jonathon is guilty. We are all there from time to time. We think one thing only to be completely shocked by the outcome. These are blind spots. Like the ones we learn about in driver’s education. That is there are fields in our vision where we are unable to see. The class is helpful, as we learn where they are, so we are trained to check them when making lane changes.
We all encounter blind spots in our lives from time to time. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety.” It’s a good idea to have people in our lives who have the freedom to speak into it. Immediate family members would be best, as they see more of us. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon for us to have few people around for this purpose. A decade or so ago a book came out called The Friendless American Male. A major theme of the book was that we tend to wall ourselves off from others.
Why do we isolate ourselves? My guess is selfishness and shame are contributors. Selfishness because we tend to make most of our lives about us. Self preservation and self interest are normal and good, but we tend to over do it. It’s easy to have the mindset of “Out of sight, out of mind”. Much of that is normal, also. But the mature pattern to have is to broaden our perspectives. A particular tragedy may not have effected us, but we can still help or at least pray.
Shame is another reason for self isolation. We falsely think, “If others knew this about me, they would be bothered.” So, we hide. That thinking turns into a habit of self isolation. That’s a dangerous place to be. There is protection in the herd. When alone, we can be picked off or fall into error. It’s healthy to have a fear or at least a concern about our actions. For example, a good caution is, “I wouldn’t do that for fear of what others would think.” When we have no one, then that caution is minimized.
We should have others in our lives. God made the church for community. One of the purposes of it are to provide that social safety net. We should have friends or influences with the same values that act as a protection. If Saul had friends that felt safe to give feedback, the mistake in today’s passage wouldn’t have occurred.
A true friend speaks into the lives of others. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Doing this hurts; a wound is the result. However, it’s necessary. The uncaring person won’t risk this.
We do need to apply wisdom in these situations. We do need to speak truth sparingly. Sometimes there are those that are brutally honest when it’s not necessary. The classic situation is a wife asks if their dress is pretty. There is no risk or danger. In cases like this, the feelings should be spared; “It’s pretty.” The exception is if they would be embarrassed.
Lord, let us be that type of friend that is helpful and give us the maturity to be open to have these friends. Even though there is pain, help us to have the wisdom the speak.