My Liberation

Exodus 25:1,2 “ the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, Tell the sons of Israel to raise a contribution for Me; from every man whose heart moves him you shall raise My contribution'”
     This is the first fundraiser that I can recall in scripture. Churches do them every so often. I usually recall feeling guilty. However, The Lord points out in this passage how those will know if they are to give. They will want to. 
     This concept was revolutionary to me. I used to struggle with guilt. I didn’t know what God wanted from me? How am I to spend my day? WWJD? If good is in my power to do it…? The last two questions were ones I thought were of God? I didn’t see them as suggestions. I’m not talking about the clear commands of scripture. They aren’t optional. I am focusing on the subjective part. 
     There was always more good that I could be doing. Therefore, my guilt had an endless horizon. I would try to fill my schedule, so I wouldn’t have to think about my spare time. Because I should be serving or doing something unselfish. 
     Then I heard this above concept, God will put a “want to” within us. That was a continental shift. I had been operating under the old pattern for so long that this took a while to sink in. It was difficult to relearn. Guilt would surface whenever I had spare time. I would reread these liberating passages. 
     2 Corinthians 9:7 is where I heard it first, “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” I was under compulsion. My wrong thinking had permeated to the whole of my life and sapped the joy out of it. Hearing this was liberating news. The prison of my wrong beliefs was unlocked. It took a while for the chains to unravel (years).
     My religious upbringing contributed to this conflict. The true holy ones were the monks who sacrificed every joy. So, I heard the good news about salvation and responded. Knowing that I would be spared judgement and given Heaven was relieving. It was the day to day ‘living out my faith’ that I didn’t understand. The WWJD mindset? From my perspective that was an unhealthy question. I am not Jesus. God wants me/us to have my own connection to Him. He will connect with me at the heart, not at the conscience. If He wants me to do something, He will put the “want to” within. 
     I don’t have to fly under the radar. This allowed me to turn and face God without feeling disapproval. He won’t give me a list chores. He’s interested in us first. I can feel anxiety subside as I write this. 
     Lord, thank You that You care for us. We all have our complexities. Some of which we aren’t even aware. You know and are patient with us. Thank You that You put the “want to” within.