I Corinthians 7:5
“Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
I had a friend decades ago that confided in me that he and his spouse were no longer intimate. I shared this verse with him. I naively thought this would heal their marriage. It didn’t. She got mad at him. That surprised me. Later I learned that she wasn’t looking to heal the marriage, but to leave it.
If we are God fearing people we are to obey this verse. I know when people’s “wants” are involved matters can go many ways. I would have assumed my friend’s wife was God fearing. I believe she was. However, she wanted out. She paused her commitment to God to get what she wanted. I shouldn’t be so judgmental. Galatians 6:1 says we are all capable of falling.
The bible is our standard, just because some passages are difficult, doesn’t mean we don’t have to obey them or that we shouldn’t advise them.
There are some that are in abusive relationships. That would be enough reason to back out. Paul is not advocating that a person needs to stay in that.
We as people need to be obedient to God, which means obeying His Word. Matthew 7:14,15 says, “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is narrow and the way is constricted that leads to life, and there are few who find it.” Part of being a christian is to be obedient to His Word.
When people are offered God’s salvation they usually don’t understand all the costs. We will learn passages that challenge us. One of the decisions that I encountered early on was the music I was listening to. I would feel guilty when listening to particular songs or artists. This went on for nearly a month. It felt like God didn’t want me to listen to them. I wrestled against it. I finally threw the tape out the window while I was driving. I had to bend my knee.
I still encounter mandates to obey. None was as difficult as that one. I learned that I didn’t miss the music. Because of this the following obedience points were easier.
What I didn’t know was how good God was. He wasn’t seeking to take away my fun, but to extract things that would hurt me. Some music leads us down particular paths. I didn’t understand this then. I do now.
I had to learn to trust Him. These are lessons that children learn. Parents know better. At times they don’t allow their children to do this or that. Tears come, tempers flare. Parents realize that there are dangers out there. We enforce matters without remorse. We know it’s right. God also knows.
Many times we adults are being childish. We are more civilized. We won’t throw tantrums or sulk. But some times our reasoning is to our own hurt.
Back to today’s verse. Spouses aren’t to deprive one another of intimacy except by agreement and only for a short time. When I do marriage counseling I tell them that if intimacy isn’t regular, then they need to re-introduce it. God will bless their obedience. Intimacy in the biblical context is a blessing. God created it.
I think of the verse that says, “Love covers a multitude of sins”, (I Peter 4:8). As we let go of our grievances we feel God granting us forgiveness for things that we used to wrestle with. Intimacy is similar. As we become regular we feel romance begin to return. Sharp edges are rubbed off. The couple begins to fall in love again. Marriages get restored.
This happens when we obey God. He smooths out our paths. This doesn’t mean we won’t encounter difficulty. It’s just He blesses obedience.