Ephesians 6:1-3
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.”
We do not have perfect parents. Yet we are to obey them. Why don’t kids obey? They might be frustrated, needy, selfish, etc. The frustrated child may have a need that he feels is unmet. Much like a crying baby is hungry, so the child may need something. If the need goes unmet, then he is distracted and doesn’t trust. He doesn’t feel that his need is seen as legitimate. This could cause him to become needy or avoidant. This child may not obey out of protest.
The child may not obey due to selfishness. I want what I want when I want it. I want to refer to the previous paragraph for this child, also. If a child is selfish, I would assume that on the deepest level he also has unmet needs. There is this ache within. This is played out in each new circumstance. Like kids frantically grabbing pinata candy, so this child is grabbing what he can in each new circumstance. Because he feels invisible in her early years, so he doesn’t recognize the needs of others.
Even though children may have legitimate needs, they still need to obey. It may mean that they need to delay their gratification. Hopefully this means that their needs are temporarilly paused to accomodate the wishes of the parents. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
The attuned parent will recognize the struggle within and approach the child. If so, future obediance will go much better. The child has learned that her need is legitimate and will be addressed.
Some parents have their own issues and don’t see the struggles within their kids. This is where the unmet needs of the kids are evidenced in misbehavior. Hopefully the kids will feel heard in other areas of their lives (friends, friend’s parents, grandparents, teachers, etc.).
Verses two and three say that there is a reward for obediance. “It will be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” I think this is a natural consequence. For example, parents generally want the best for their kids. Some of their advice frustrates kids. It might be to put on your helmet or be home by a particular time or don’t play with that child, etc. This is meant for their welfare. Obediance usually means avoiding bad circumstances. There may be some actual divine reward as well as a natural consequence.
Obediance is also to be done out of respect. The bible lays out heirarchys which are to be respected. At the highest level is God. We are to obey Him out of respect. There are governmental positions that are to be obeyed and respected. The family is at the lowest level. Not lowest in priority, but in size.
Lord, be with the frustrated kids and parents. Help them to hear eachother. Help the kids to learn obediance and respect and that it’s for their benefit.