Galatians 2:10
“They only asked us to remember the poor—the very thing I also was eager to do.”
Today’s focus will be on the latter portion of the verse, “the very thing I also was eager to do.” I’m slightly uncomfortable with this. Not that I don’t care for the poor or those in need. It seems to provoke guilt.
I would like to proceed so as to figure this out. I believe part of the problem is I’m guarded with my time. I would like to use it for leisure, however I’m not helping others. As I type this out a rebuttal arises. I volunteer as a counselor for six hours per week. I get home late two nights a week as a result of this. Is this enough to be rid of guilt? Surely that counts as helping.
I wrestled with this as a young Christian. I was always haunted with guilt for not doing enough. I used to pass a convalescent home as I went home from the local college. On occasion I would stop by and visit with residents. I would feel guilty on the days I didn’t. I had a hunch that this wasn’t from God. I didn’t know how to escape it.
I would encounter scriptures that helped. One was 1 John 3:20, “If our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts, and He knows all things.” This showed me that all guilt wasn’t from the Lord. I remember reading a book about the conscience. It described it as a judge which didn’t write laws, but interpreted them. If one had a misunderstanding, then the conscience would be applying a rule that was wrong. Thus the guilt one felt wasn’t accurate.
I got curious about which scriptures I should educate my conscience with. I Corinthians 14:33 was one, “for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.” I was truly confused about how I should use my time. The WWJD phrase didn’t help. If I applied it, I always came up short, for Jesus would always serve. I’ve since learned that Jesus would often go to a quiet place. So, I was wrong in my earlier thoughts.
The Corinthian passage helped. I’ve learned to reflect upon feelings as they arose. This is not peaceful, thus it probably is not of God. I’m referring to gray areas that aren’t in scripture. This aided in informing my conscience. The result was my conscience wouldn’t be as punishing. It began to act as it should.
Why is it my conscience went so wrong? I had a cruel influence in my home when growing up. There was much disapproval. I didn’t feel warmth. So, when I came to Christ, I transferred that harshness to God. In a sense it felt uncomfortable to look up. It felt like a glare. However, as I grew in Christ and learned that He looks upon His children with favor. Psalm 139:17 was helpful, “How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them.” He’s not disappointed with with us. He’s delighted.
Last night at church, the pastor said, “God is more interested in who we are than what we do.” My early thinking was the opposite. I felt as though He wanted results. He is primarily interested in relationship. He wants us to be at home with Him. He loves us and wants us to be at rest with Him.
This was a refreshing, therapeutic focus on why this passage evoked guilt. Lord, thank You that You’ve brought clarity and rest.