Ephesians 6:4
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Parenting is tough. Atleast two people are involved. Everyone has their own wants and needs. The parent does what they think is best. The child complies (or not) on some level. Sometimes attitudes are good, other times they are bad. The task may be sweeping the kitchen or taking out the trash. Problems don’t arise when things are done timely with a good attitutde. It’s when the child needs to be told multiple times and/or there’s back talk.
At these times Parents get frustrated. They still want the task done or done properly. Parents aren’t always successful in masking their frustrations. Anger isn’t wrong, it’s when it leads to abuse. If the anger was properly communicated, the child would feel it, understand it and manage it. Innappropriate anger damages. The child isn’t able to handle it. Anger is like hot water. It can be managed. Out of control anger is like boiling water which burns. The recipient is harmed.
Ephesians 4:26 says, “BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger”. The “all caps” means it’s a quote from somewhere else in scripture. Anger is an emotion. Emotions aren’t wrong unless they lead to harsh language or behavior. This is where parents (or anyone) have a problem. The parent wants the driveway swept. It’s to be done now and properly. He gets angry because one of the two parts isn’t satisfied. Instead of motivating or disciplining properly the parent can use sarcasm or meanness.
Kids are hurt at the inappropiate response by the parent. Their caregiver is being mean. The one they are to go to for comfort and guidance is using sarcasm. Yes, the child could have avoided this by obedience (or better performance). That doesn’t justify the parent’s response. This is today’s verse: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger”. Other versions use the word exasperate. This is to irritate or annoy to a high level.
The parent has his reasons. He should be angry and something is to be done. This is where good parenting comes in. We all are guilty. I’ve heard it said that we parents get it wrong a high percentage of the time. Good parenting goes back and fixes the first attempt. Bad parenting doesn’t. If the parent goes back and makes reconciliation. The child learns the huge lesson of apologizing and repairing relational mistakes.
Inappropriate parenting passes on the hurt or frustration to the child. The bitterness and anger they have gets poured into the child. This may have been given to the father by his parent. It’s a multigenerational poisoning. The child doesn’t know how to cope, so he acts out or pours that poison onto others. This is how bullies beget bullies.
Lord, help us to be better parents. Give us sensitive hearts to know when we’ve hurt someone and to go back and repair. Help us to control our tongue so fewer hurtful comments ever make it out.