I Samuel 22:22
‘Then David said to Abiathar, “I knew on that day, when Doeg the Edomite was there, that he would certainly tell Saul. I myself have turned against every person in your father’s household.”‘
We all have regrets. We wish we could go back and do things differently. Who would have known that Doeg would have done such a horrible act. It's as if Saul wanted to do away with all aspects of God. It reminds me of Herod and his paranoia and how he ordered all male children under 2 to be killed.
David took responsibility. It wasn't his to take. He could have captured Doeg and taken him prisoner or killed him. He probably thought that either of those acts would have provoked Saul. Who would have known Saul would have ordered such an act.
What is David to do now? Should he continue as a fugitive or make war with Saul? If it's the former and I recall it is he has to put it behind him. To dwell on this regret would put anyone in a depressed state. We would still need to show empathy to those grieving, but we can't keep it at the fore of our mind.
We can give it to God in prayer. Pray for those left behind. We must commit these situations to Him. He can do something. God will give us comfort as well as those grieving. We might not think we deserve it, but He will give it.
At times like these, Jesus would take His disciples away and pray. Jesus gave it to God and went to Him to deal with the tough emotions as well as pray for the survivors.
We need to trust that God is in control. Just as Jesus got away to reconnect with the Lord, we need to do the same. It's too much for us to handle. Any blame or dwelling on the "should haves" isn't healthy.
Job is another example of how things can be too much. His response was, "I know that my redeemer lives", (Job 19:25a). David described these times as being in the valley of the shadow of death and how God was with him (Psalm 23). We will go through these times. The Lord will be with us and will be our deliverer.
As I'm nearing the end of this entry, I see how the beginning of it focused too much on self. That's our tendency, to blame and self focus. We need to learn to go Godward first. David's life was a swirling collection of confusion and fear. He was being pursued by the most powerful person on earth. He was worried about his family as well as all those who joined him.
God won't give us more than we can bare. All of our lives are to be seen in connection with Him. There is no more "me" or "I", but "we" or more appropriately "You". This isn't a copout, but obedience.
Psalm 74:18-22 says, "Remember how the enemy has mocked You, O LORD, how a foolish people has spurned Your name. Do not deliver the soul of Your dove to beasts; do not forget the lives of Your afflicted forever. Consider Your covenant, for haunts of violence fill the dark places of the land. Do not let the oppressed retreat in shame; may the poor and needy praise Your name. Rise up, O God; defend Your cause! Remember how the fool mocks You all day long. Do not disregard the clamor of Your adversaries, the uproar of Your enemies that ascends continually." This is putting the emphasis on God. We should do this as well. He is in control. Keep it with Him.
Zephaniah 3:17 says that God is mighty to save. We are to put our perspective back to Him and to trust Him for a resolution. David couldn't have changed things. Who would have known. The fault is with Doeg and Saul. Put our focus on God and how He will deliver. Even more so, He can work it for good (Romans 8:28).
Lord, thank You that You are with us. Help us to go to You and stay there. Help us not to fall for the devil's tricks and destroy ourselves with blame, but to follow Jesus' example and get away with You. Help us to go further and trust You to bring the repair.