1 Peter 3:10
“THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS,
MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.”
This passage states what all of us want, “to desire life, to love and see good days”. Peter gives several answers. The one I will address today has to do with our words. We are to keep our tongue civil. I’m going to devote several entries to this. Today I’m going to write about angry words.
The bible has much to say about our words. James 1:19 says “But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. To be slow to speak takes discipline. I can place myself in many talks in which I feel impelled to make my point. I feel the energy behind my words. While it makes us animated, it’s the beginning of anger. That’s the other part addressed by James. We are also to be slow to anger. The third point is to be quick to listen.
How do we properly proportion these three: speaking, listening and anger? Anger and words can be damaging. There is nothing wrong with either. However, they both can go bad quickly. I think of shops that deal with dangerous processes. Employees must be trained and gain certification to do those tasks. Anger and words have that feeling.
Anger and words can be so harmful. We learn about them in our growing up years. We gain our socialization training. Our words can cause people to avoid us. We adapt and learn and become more civil in the process. Some never learn it. All of the bullying is proof. Many bring these same poor skills into adulthood.
We need to enter conversations on a secure footing. We have to commit ourselves ahead of time. Are we ok with not getting our side in? Can we handle being misunderstood? These can be frustrating. This is where the training is helpful.
We need to understand how anger works. We have our fight, flight, freeze instincts. When we feel threatened our logical mind shuts down, chemicals are released which activates us do one of the three. This response is like the tractor beam from the sci fi movies. We can feel it’s magnatism in our discussions. Don’t give into the increasing speed of the conversation. Don’t feel like a point has to be made. We don’t always have to explain ourselves. If we can’t slow down, then we should back away. Logical, calm discussions aren’t possible in this state. If we don’t recognize this process in us, then we are vulnerable to getting dragged into these confrontations frequently.
There may be particular people we get dragged into the anger with. We have developed a pattern. It’s difficult to change them. We can bring it up. However, there will need a season of calm before they change. We can choose not to engage. Proverbs 15:1 says “A gentle word turns away wrath…” Create a new pattern.
Lord, help us to control our words and our anger. Thank You that You promise to help.